Davido Ends Distinguished Cheating Career, Except for One or Two "Entanglements"

Nigerian Afrobeats megastar Davido has solemnly declared an end to his celebrated cheating career — a profession in which he reportedly held multiple awards, honorary mentions, and at least five baby showers with four women. Speaking with the weight of a man who’s seen things — emotional breakdowns, WhatsApp call screenshots, and DNA results — the artist declared that he’s moving on from polygamous acrobatics to what he calls "less wahala."

But before anyone could hand him a medal for emotional growth, Davido clarified that his brand of “monogamy”, while permanent and wholehearted, comes with some fine print that still allows for the occasional misunderstanding, emotional lapses, accidental hotel bookings, and one or two “entanglements,” a term he picked up while binge-watching Will Smith interviews and mistaking them for tutorials.

Davido’s decision, like most legendary exits, was inspired by trauma. Not his own, but that of his uncles, whose cluelessness managing their polygamous households resembled that of confused traffic wardens at a Lagos roundabout. One uncle had so many co-wives playing nice that Davido suspected witchcraft. “Too much wahala,” he said. "It's not worth it."

For now, Davido says he’s adjusting well to the monogamous lifestyle. His doormat now reads "And lead us not into temptation" to drive the spirit of God into anyone who might seek to get him out of retirement.