'Single' Asylum Seeker Misses 2 Wives and 9 Kids He Swore Didn't Exist

Wahab, a Ghanaian man turned "single, persecuted asylum seeker" in Canada, has become the poster child for the dangers of fictional storytelling gone too far. After confidently declaring to immigration officials that he was a lone man fleeing societal persecution due to "personal reasons", Wahab now spends his days shivering in regret and solitude, desperately missing the very family he erased from his application: two wives, nine kids, and an unrelenting symphony of "Daddy, I’m hungry."

"When I said I was single, I thought it was just a harmless detail," Wahab lamented, staring at the family photos he can’t put on his Canadian walls. "Now, I lie awake at night wishing I could hear my wives fighting over unwashed bowls, or my kids arguing over whose turn it is to sweep the yard. Even the Suame Magazine noise was music compared to this. Instead, all I have is this fridge full of frozen lasagna and nobody to complain about it."

Neighbors, puzzled by his regret, have reported his behaviour to Canadian immigration officers who remain puzzled by his frequent money transfers to Ghana, marked "family maintenance," despite his sworn testimony that he was fleeing a lonely, persecuted existence.

Back in Ghana, Wahab’s family appears to be managing just fine. "He didn't even tell us where he was going. He just left, but we finally have space to breathe," the second wife said, adding that the household has been quieter and the food lasts longer. "So, we don’t exist, eh?" quipped his first wife. "We'll see."