Ghanaian Teen Sues Parents for Deporting Him to ‘Hell’, Satan Says ‘Same Thing Happened to Me’
A 14-year-old UK-born Ghanaian has dragged his own parents to court after they air-dropped him into a Ghanaian boarding school, which he claims is “indistinguishable from Hell — but with more mosquitoes.” Hell’s longstanding president, Satan, issued a rare statement of solidarity, admitting the boy’s description hit uncomfortably close to home. “Honestly, I feel his pain,” said the Prince of Darkness, recalling his own abrupt relocation to the underworld after a minor misunderstanding with Heaven’s management.
The boy, who had only known life in London, said he arrived expecting a brief family visit but instead found himself marooned in a school where tap water “comes in different shades of brown” and the school’s IT department consists of one man who “blows air into the router and hopes for the best.”
In his testimony, the boy said nothing could have prepared him for a country where teachers casually reference spirits during maths class and there's no Wi-Fi to FaceTime your friends. “I’m not trying to be rude,” he told the court, “but I didn’t know people could live like this and still believe they’re alive.” His classmates’ casual acceptance of malfunctioning toilets and power cuts convinced him something had fundamentally shifted in their DNA, a tragic adaptation he believes no civilised child should be forced to develop.
The presiding UK judge, after reading the boy’s plea for repatriation, admitted feeling both pity and pride at the creativity involved in suing one’s own parents before puberty. Ultimately, the court sided with the traumatised parents, declaring that Ghana, despite its uncanny resemblance to Hell, was the safer option compared to London’s free-range knife festivals.
The boy, now considering a follow-up case at the UN, vowed to fight for his right to Nando's. If the case succeeds, it could open the floodgates to many deportees — and possibly for Satan himself, who is reportedly assembling evidence for his own wrongful deportation suit against Heaven.