Hajj Village: Gov't Swears No Taxpayer Money, Mutters Something about 'Projected Growth' in Airport 'Lost & Found'

Under pressure to not use any taxpayer money to fund the controversial Hajj Village project – a project the government describes as 'just another airport terminal for pilgrims' – the government has devised an innovative, if highly questionable, alternative: relying on the projected growth of Kotoka International Airport’s Lost & Found department.

According to officials, recent “unexplained surges” in unclaimed valuables—including foreign currency, premium wristwatches, and mysteriously separated laptop bags—have provided a robust financial stream for the project, allowing it to be completed without dipping into the national budget. How exactly these items got “misplaced” at such an alarming rate remains a mystery, but the government insists that any correlation between increased missing belongings and the project’s groundbreaking is purely coincidental.

Felix Kwakye Ofosu, speaking with the soothing confidence of a man who just found someone else’s gold chain in his pocket, described the funding model as “a sustainable, non-tax-reliant revenue stream that simply takes advantage of natural travel forgetfulness.” He further clarified that items left unattended for more than 15 seconds at the airport are now classified as “involuntary infrastructure support,” and that Kotoka’s Lost & Found has transformed from a mere storeroom into a critical national development fund. Recent audits reportedly show a significant uptick in “accidentally donated” AirPods, cologne, and international banknotes, conveniently aligning with the precise cost of premium furniture and a state-of-the-art check-in hall at the Hajj Village.

To ensure the continued success of this funding strategy, government sources hint at plans to expand Lost & Found operations. Possible measures include subtly loosening zippers during security screenings, instituting “forgetfulness-prone zones” where items left behind will be considered national assets, and training airport staff to develop selective amnesia when passengers inquire about missing valuables. While travellers may grumble about the increasing rate of mysteriously disappearing belongings, authorities assure them that their unintended contributions are going toward a noble cause: an ultramodern facility that will remain gloriously unused for 49 weeks a year.