IGP Dampare, 54, Fired for Lacking 40 Years Experience, Regrets Not Enlisting at 14

Dr. George Akuffo Dampare has just discovered the hard way that being IGP in Ghana is not about competence. If you haven't roamed the police force longer than Moses roamed the desert, you’re simply not IGP material. A government statement announcing his replacement, COP Christian Tetteh Yohunu, boldly highlighted the new IGP's “40 years of experience,” making it painfully obvious that Dampare’s unforgivable mistake was joining the police service at a completely normal age. Had he skipped JHS and gone straight into directing traffic at 14, he might still have a job today.

Struggling to process his abrupt exit, Dampare has reportedly taken to updating his LinkedIn profile at a roadside Waakye joint, carefully rewording his work experience to include "unofficial police work since childhood" and "neighbourhood watchdog captain." Sources say he briefly considered listing his time as a class prefect as “disciplinary enforcement lead among classmates in 1984” to help bridge the experience gap.

Meanwhile, his successor, Yohunu, 59 years old and only nine months away from retirement, now faces the daunting task of leading the police service while simultaneously preparing for his farewell party. Some officers are already drafting his retirement speech just in case his tenure expires before his new business cards arrive.

With this precedent set, the Ghana Police Service is rumoured to be lowering its recruitment age to “as soon as possible” to ensure future IGPs hit the sacred 40-year mark before growing grey hairs. Parents across the country, not sure exactly what age is "as soon as possible", have begun sending their toddlers for “early police exposure” programs, with one hopeful father stating, “My son is two years old now—if we push hard, by the time he’s 42, he should be ready for IGP.”