Mahama to Appoint God as Minister for Everything, Citing "Divine Trap" Set by NPP
In a move that’s being hailed as either the most inspired or most desperate act in Ghanaian political history, President-elect John Dramani Mahama has announced that he will be appointing the Almighty God as Minister for Everything. This comes after his impassioned plea for intensified prayer, where he cited the “divine trap” left by the outgoing NPP administration, a trap seemingly designed to ensnare even the most devout of leaders. Apparently, the only entity capable of navigating this mess, which involves everything from WAEC debt to $2 billion in unpaid electricity bills, is the one who designed the universe in the first place.
"I saw a post on social media," Mahama reportedly said during a recent prayer meeting, "and it really struck me. If the NPP could make Ghanaians realize that WAEC has to be paid to conduct exams, then they have created a situation so monumental that only God can untangle it.” In a press release, his team further clarified that the new all-encompassing ministerial role will be a test run, and if it works, they plan to devolve the entire government to God. The new cabinet will thus consist of God as Minister for Finance (with the sole task of finding a solution for our spiraling debt), God as Minister for Roads (to deal with those potholes which seem to possess magical powers of self-generation) and God as Minister of Communications, whose immediate task will be to offer a stable, reasonably priced data network.
This decision, while met with a collective head-scratching, is, according to Mahama, a testament to his faith and his desire to "escape the traps" set by the NPP. Critics, however, point out that this could very well be a masterful excuse, an elaborate way to say he has no clue what to do but to dust off promises and activate prayer mood. The announcement has certainly fueled a surge of church attendance, because if God is now directly running the show, maybe our prayers will finally be heard, and perhaps, we might get that reliable electricity and maybe, finally, some reasonably priced internet.
The official justification, released by Mahama's spokesperson, stated that "if prayer is the solution, then surely the one we're praying to should just take over." The usual pre-appointment vetting is expected to be waived given God’s credentials and overall performance record.