Man Summons Antoa Nyamaa over UK Child Support, Gods Demand Visas First

In a bizarre attempt to dodge UK child support payments, a Ghanaian man has invoked the feared Antoa Nyamaa and Tano River gods, only to be met with an unexpected complication: the gods reportedly require visas before intervening.

Armed with eggs, schnapps, and enough fury to power a trotro, the man stormed his baby mama’s residence and unleashed a curse so potent it could crack your lips, demanding that Antoa Nyamaa strike her dead if she dared use any child support money for food, even for the kids. However, insiders close to the gods suggest they are "powerless in foreign jurisdictions" without proper immigration clearance.

"Do you think Antoa can just swim into Heathrow unchecked?" scoffed a spiritual consultant, adding that modern gods face unprecedented challenges, from navigating exchange rates to understanding HMRC tax codes. Even back home, Antoa’s powers have reportedly waned, struggling to settle common land disputes, let alone stop a direct debit from a UK bank account. Critics speculate that even for cases within their jurisdiction, the gods are currently overwhelmed by a huge backlog of people they're meant to kill who are roaming freely about, and are unlikely to act on the man’s request, anyway.

Meanwhile, the baby mama, unfazed by the man’s theatrics, has reportedly been seen enjoying fried rice purchased with the cursed funds. Legal experts have gently reminded the man that while invoking river gods might intimidate a village rival, it has no impact on British family courts, where schnapps is not recognized as a legal tender.

For now, the gods remain stuck at their embassies, contemplating whether to apply for visas—or leave the man to exhaust all other options, such as working extra hours, cutting down on unnecessary expenses, and, you know, being a responsible father.