Minority Demand Cooling Fans Before Facing Fiery First Lady Again

Parliament turned into a pressure cooker this week after First Lady Rebecca Akufo-Addo confronted Deputy Minority Leader Armah-Kofi Buah over his less-than-flattering remarks about her husband’s presidency, delivering what insiders are calling "the hottest confrontation of the Fourth Republic," threatening to confiscate Buah’s tongue if he didn’t "talk sense" about her husband.

Following Buah’s fiery critique—which included labeling Akufo-Addo’s tenure a "masterclass in how not to govern"—Rebecca, fueled by spousal loyalty and not much else, reportedly marched over, wagging a finger and delivering a verbal lashing so intense that Minority MPs are now demanding industrial-grade cooling fans before any future sessions. "Her words were hotter than koko," one MP muttered, wiping sweat from his brow.

"I felt like my skin was boiling," Buah confessed, clutching a bottle of chilled Sobolo as though it was a lifeline. Eye witnesses accounts vary, but all agree that Rebecca’s rebuke combined the authority of a school headmistress with the energy of a market woman defending her prized tomatoes, all the while brandishing a look that could melt steel.

The encounter took an even more dramatic turn when "Hurricane Rebecca" as she’s now being called online, decided to briefly walk past Speaker Alban Bagbin, muttering, "You sit here and let them talk anyhow," which left the Speaker wondering if he should write "Names of Talkatives" next time. She then went on to list Akufo-Addo’s accomplishments—real and imagined, but mostly imagined—while daring Buah to name a single country where borrowing doesn’t happen.

Rebecca herself has remained silent on the matter but was last seen browsing portable heater reviews online, possibly in preparation for her next visit.