Rev. Father Sparks Suspicion During Eid Unity Sermon for Staring Too Long at Goat Meat Area

What began as a sacred gesture of interfaith goodwill quickly descended into theological confusion, after Rev. Father Dr. Aloysius Nuolabong, representing the Catholic Diocese of Wa, delivered an Eid message on peace while visibly entranced by the goat meat zone. Attendees say the priest barely glanced at the congregation, his eyes trained instead on a particularly well-oiled tray of grilled goat as if waiting for divine permission to pounce, prompting murmurs of “It’s not unity he came for o.”

Eyewitnesses claim the priest arrived early, greeted the Imam warmly, and then mysteriously gravitated toward the meat-serving zone before even locating the microphone. Observers later noted that his cassock bore unmistakable stains of suya and grease.

Rev. Father Nuolabong, sent on behalf of the Bishop of Wa, opened his sermon by quoting scripture, but halfway through began pausing mid-sentence and referencing “shared feasts,” “common sacrifices,” the “spiritual overlap” between Lent and Ramadan being “a sign from God” until it got unsettling after the third ‘Inshallah.’

Sources close to the Diocese reveal that Rev. Nuolabong originally had no intention of attending the prayers until he got wind of the menu, that it included grilled goat, at which point he insisted on personally delivering the Bishop’s goodwill message. Allegedly, the unity message was hastily crafted en route. And though this message of peace was technically delivered, many remain unsure whether the Father was advocating for spiritual unity or simply the unity of man and mutton.