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General News

A collection of 26 issues

Energy Minister Denies Blackouts, Points to the Consistency of Sunlight and Moonlight as Proof

The Minister of Energy and Green Transition has strongly rejected claims that Ghana is experiencing power outages, arguing that if there were truly a crisis, the entire country would be in complete darkness. “Every morning, the sun rises without fail, and every evening, the moon appears right on schedule. So

Declassified: CIA Staged Coup in 1966 Mere Weeks Before Ghana Achieved Artificial General Intelligence

Newly declassified intelligence documents from the United States Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) have revealed that the 1966 overthrow of Ghana’s first president, Dr. Kwame Nkrumah, was not merely a Cold War maneuver or a rejection of Pan-Africanism — but a desperate bid to halt Ghana’s imminent breakthrough in Artificial

'Are You Guys Okay? Should We Send Rice?' - IMF Texts Ghana about Low Independence Day Budget

The International Monetary Fund (IMF) was reportedly thrown into a mild panic after Ghana’s government proudly announced that the 68th Independence Day celebrations would cost just one-tenth of last year’s budget, thanks to a heroic cost-cutting effort that began when a national GoFundMe campaign raised a heart-shattering 603

Hajj Village: Gov't Swears No Taxpayer Money, Mutters Something about 'Projected Growth' in Airport 'Lost & Found'

Under pressure to not use any taxpayer money to fund the controversial Hajj Village project – a project the government describes as 'just another airport terminal for pilgrims' – the government has devised an innovative, if highly questionable, alternative: relying on the projected growth of Kotoka International Airport’s Lost

Ghanaian Teen Sues Parents for Deporting Him to ‘Hell’, Satan Says ‘Same Thing Happened to Me’

A 14-year-old UK-born Ghanaian has dragged his own parents to court after they air-dropped him into a Ghanaian boarding school, which he claims is “indistinguishable from Hell — but with more mosquitoes.” Hell’s longstanding president, Satan, issued a rare statement of solidarity, admitting the boy’s description hit uncomfortably close

Gov't to Set Aside Last Friday of Every Month for National Game of Ludu (Home Kick Included)

President Mahama, in a heartfelt throwback to his golden childhood days, has officially declared the last Friday of every month as National Recreation Day, headlined by a gargantuan, all-Ghana game of Ludu — Home Kick and heartbreak included, of course. The venue? None other than the abandoned plot once promised to

All Appointments Set for Revocation as Gov’t Taps Ctrl+Z Relentlessly, Hoping to Reach 1957

In what appears to be a bold new governance strategy—or a massive keyboard mishap—the government has been furiously hitting Ctrl+Z, revoking every post-election appointment in sight, all in an apparent bid to rewind Ghana to its “original British factory settings.” The revocations, initially framed as a bid

Gov’t Proud to Increase Minimum Wage from $1.17 to $1.29 — or, as it prefers to put it, ‘by 10%’

In a move hailed by officials as a “giant leap for the Ghanaian worker,” the government has generously bumped the daily minimum wage from a staggering $1.17 to an even more earth-shattering $1.29. While some economists are calling the 12 cents increase “a bold statement,” many workers are

Ghana's Cats Offer Prisoners Leftovers after Minister Reveals Cat Food Has More Protein

After Interior Minister-Designate Mohammed Muntaka Mubarak revealed during his vetting that Ghanaian prisoners survive on a GH¢1.80 (USD 0.12) daily food budget—an amount he claims provides less nutrition than the average cat's meal—the National Association of Concerned Cats (NACC) has stepped in to

SDA Church Launches Holy Tinder: Only Bibles as Profile Pics, Absolutely No Outsiders

The Seventh-Day Adventist Church has boldly stepped into the digital age with a groundbreaking dating app dubbed "Holy Tinder." The app, designed exclusively for church members, bans outsiders from swiping in, ensuring that members only mingle with the sanctified. Designed to keep outsiders far from the holy flock,