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General News

A collection of 26 issues

'Single' Asylum Seeker Misses 2 Wives and 9 Kids He Swore Didn't Exist

Wahab, a Ghanaian man turned "single, persecuted asylum seeker" in Canada, has become the poster child for the dangers of fictional storytelling gone too far. After confidently declaring to immigration officials that he was a lone man fleeing societal persecution due to "personal reasons", Wahab now

Mahama to Downsize National Cathedral into Trotro Preacher Training Centre

In a dramatic shift, President John Mahama has announced plans to convert Ghana’s half-built National Cathedral into a budget-friendly Trotro Preacher Training Centre. This pivot, he explained, is a response to the nation’s financial reality and a $400 million price tag that feels more like a holy joke

A Plus Rides Okada, Declares Helicopters a Necessity for MPs Avoiding Traffic

World-renowned loudmouth and current MP for Gomoa Central, Kwame A Plus, after years of lambasting MPs for their flashy sirens and noisy convoys, has found himself eating his words—and a mouthful of Accra's lovely air pollution—while stuck in traffic on his way to Parliament. Desperation forced

Napo's Election Gaffes Attributed to Kumchacha's Spiritual Remote Control

Prophet Kumchacha has confessed to being the architect behind Napo’s 2024 campaign missteps, claiming he used a divine remote control to guide the politician’s tongue into chaos. Speaking on Onua TV, Kumchacha explained how each blunder was a result of meticulous spiritual engineering, inspired by his mission to

"Let There be Light!" - Mahama Promises Constant Sunlight and Moonlight

President John Dramani Mahama has declared that Ghanaians will no longer live in darkness – at least during the day – thanks to the reliable consistency of the sun. Speaking to a captivated audience at the Ahmadiyya Muslim Mission, Mahama proclaimed, "Let there be light!" and was met with polite

ORAL: Ghana's Looted Items to Come out of Hiding...to Find New Hiding Places

Operation Recover All Loot (ORAL) launched today – a bold initiative promising to hunt down hidden wealth in everything from offshore accounts to TV remotes and flowerpots – and is already generating quite the buzz, or perhaps more accurately, a frantic scramble among those who may have acquired some state assets they

May 2099: Old Man Completes 250km on Foot for Mahama's Inauguration

ACCRA, May 2099 – When 65-year-old Alhaji Yakubu Ayaana set off on foot from Kumasi to Accra in 2025 to witness John Mahama’s inauguration, many expected that he would arrive to find empty chairs, but few could have predicted that he would arrive 74 years later, well after Ghana had

Man Summons Antoa Nyamaa over UK Child Support, Gods Demand Visas First

In a bizarre attempt to dodge UK child support payments, a Ghanaian man has invoked the feared Antoa Nyamaa and Tano River gods, only to be met with an unexpected complication: the gods reportedly require visas before intervening. Armed with eggs, schnapps, and enough fury to power a trotro, the

Kantamanto Thief's New Year's Resolution Lasted 15 Hours, 10 Minutes

Barely 15 hours after posting his New Year's resolutions on Facebook, a young man is already saying "Whatever" to all his vows in what might be the fastest resolution breakdown of 2025. The man, who reportedly vowed to "turn over a new leaf" and

Tinubu Better than Moses – Nigeria to Reach Promised Land in 1 Year Instead of 40

President Bola Tinubu, equipped with the latest GPS technology to avoid wandering off for 40 years, has declared his unwavering commitment to taking Nigeria to the mythical Promised Land, aiming for a one-year turnaround – a speed that is sure to make Moses jealous. Unfortunately, the exact coordinates of this Promised