'Are You Guys Okay? Should We Send Rice?' - IMF Texts Ghana about Low Independence Day Budget

The International Monetary Fund (IMF) was reportedly thrown into a mild panic after Ghana’s government proudly announced that the 68th Independence Day celebrations would cost just one-tenth of last year’s budget, thanks to a heroic cost-cutting effort that began when a national GoFundMe campaign raised a heart-shattering 603 cedis ($40) — including 20 cedis from someone who thought they were sponsoring a church harvest. Alarmed by the bold austerity move, IMF officials, who usually only hear from Ghana when the country needs debt restructuring or polite begging, immediately texted: “Are you guys okay? Should we send rice?”

According to Minister Felix Kwakye Ofosu, slashing the budget was a bold move to “redirect funds to essential sectors,” though critics suspect that’s just creative phrasing for some good old-fashioned embezzlement. He noted that this year’s celebrations have been relocated to the Presidential Jubilee House, with the usual marching contingent reduced to two Boy Scouts and a passing cat. Thousands of schoolchildren who normally participate have been asked to think patriotic thoughts at home, saving the government from paying for both buses and bottled water.

The official Independence Day fireworks will be replaced by a man with a torch standing on the roof and waving it energetically. Reports indicate he agreed to do it in exchange for two bottles of Fanta and a free Independence Day t-shirt.

Despite the barebones budget, Kwakye Ofosu assured Ghanaians that the celebration’s significance remains intact and is in no way an embarrassment— even if the official Independence Day cake has been downgraded to a single packet of Cabin biscuits. “It's a testament to Ghana’s commitment to living within its means. It’s not about money,” Kwakye Ofosu insisted, “it’s about the spirit of the day — and if that spirit could send us Mobile Money, we’d really appreciate it.”